Have you ever had “Pop-Off Remorse”?
Pop-Off Remorse is when someone upsets you and draws a negative reaction from you (i.e. Pop-Off) and when you’re done reacting you suffer from the aftermath of giving someone your energy.
For the past few years, I’ve been working on myself and trying to be more in control of my emotions. Asking myself a series of questions prior to reacting: Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said by me? That’s something I learned from my mentor.
Not everything needs to be said or needs to be said by you. Especially if you think that it’s going to take away from your energy or steal your joy in any way. Assess what is important and what’s not worth your time. Place more value on your time – even if it’s just two minutes. That could be two additional minutes for your brilliant thoughts.
So as I’m still growing, I need to keep these things top of mind so that I don’t find myself in energy-depleting situations. Here is some context for you. Recently I was in DC for a conference. I went to a local mom and pop restaurant with a group of friends and I hear a man from the table besides us talking to his wife about our group. So I called the man out for his ear hustling on our conversation. I tried to pull him in to explain that what he thought he heard (and by “pull him in” I mean I said “Sir. That’s incorrect, we were not…”). But instead of him just saying “Oh. My bad! I misheard”, he goes off in the wrong direction. At this point, I forgot my principles and lessons and my internal GPS said “you’ve arrived” at elevated voices and hostile aggression.
Fast forward three hours later… I felt sick to my stomach. At first, I thought maybe the food didn’t agree with me, which it didn’t, but that’s another story. This feeling was different. I was actually weak and sad. Partly because I lost a lot of fluid – again, a story for another time. Once I realized it had no relation to the bathroom, I quickly realized that it was Pop-Off Remorse. I genuinely felt bad for letting the man take me out of character.
My intention is never to be uncouth or nasty. And, I don’t want to be perceived as mean. So now I’m forced to ask myself if it is the perception of being nasty, or is it just being nasty in general. I served this strange man – that I will never see again – my energy on a platter with a complete place setting and chilled glass of Pinot Grigio.
The moral of this story is have control over your energy because it’s not worth the regret and high blood pressure that follows. People have many triggers, so identifying yours in advance can save you a lot time and energy.
If you can relate to Pop-Off Remorse and want to share how you suppress your anger, please comment below.